E-mail scams >_<

[jekylljuice]

Yeah, I've gotten the exact same message myself a few times, only for my Hotmail account. It was pretty much word for word the same.

As with so many of these email scams/hoaxes, the cheapness of the font and layout is a dead giveaway - I'm pretty confident that if Hotmail were to issue a legitimate warning of this nature (and it's highly dubious that they ever would), they'd opt for a much more professional-looking layout. Same goes for Bill Gates - if you're that mind-bendingly weathly and are seriously going to send out emails promising free hand-outs to anyone who forwards it to so many of their online buddies (yeah, I know, just play along), then surely you could afford to splash out on a bit of style while you're at it.

[Cassini90125]

Something new to point at and laugh:

FROM MR RICHARD AGESE CHAMBERS
(Alleged street address removed)
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO.
PRIVATE MEMO
Dear Friend,

I am Mr. Richard Agese ,an Attorney at law, and the personal lawyer to Engineer Dr Alfred A. Corbeil, a foreigner who used to work and owned Corbeil Oil International in Burkina Faso, Herein after shall be referred to as my client. It may interest you to know that , I got your contact at the office of the Chamber of commerce and Tourism in Ouagadougou Burkina faso as I was going through some directories. On the 10th day of August 2003, my client, his wife and their two children were involved in a car accident along Ouaga - Bobo express way while arriving from a Holiday to Bobo.

All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then, I have made several enquiries to their embassy to locate any of their extended relatives and this has also proved unsuccessful. I am contacting you to assist in repatriating a fund valued at USD$13Million,(Thirteen million United States Dollars),left behind by my client before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Security Finance Firm where this huge amount were deposited.

The said Security Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confiscated within the next twenty one official working days. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 4 years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you.

Therefore, I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free. On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 30% of the total sum as gratification, while 10% will be set aside to take care of expenses that may arise during the time of transfer, internal revenue tax and also telephone bills, while 60% will be for me towards any profitable investment in your country. All I require from you is your honest co-operation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legal framework and legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.

I expect your urgent response indicating your full interest in this great business transaction to our both mutual trust.Please i advice you reply to my private e-mail address for privacy and confidentiality (alleged private email address removed) Kindly give me the information below to enable me establish you in the bank as beneficiary to my deceased client.
1. NAME IN FULL:.......................
2. ADDRESS:..............................
3. NATIONALITY:......................
4. AGE:.....................................
5. SEX........................................
6. OCCUPATION:......................
7. MARITAL STATUS:............
8. PHONE..................................
9. FAX:........................................
Best regard,
Richard Agese Esq.

Yeah, okay.

[Lynnie]

Hm, they died while on vacation to Bobo, and Mr. Agese is keeping 60% of "your" money. And another 10% goes toward the IRS and phone bills. Yup.

[Cassini90125]

The part I like best:

Dear Friend,...

I got your contact at the office of the Chamber of commerce and Tourism in Ouagadougou Burkina faso as I was going through some directories.

Interesting that the directories had my email address but not my name.

[taranchula]

It appears to be some kind of job offer...But I think it's a scam of some sort.

Considering that A: I haven't sent out any resumes in the past few months or so B: If I was, it would certainly not be to any company whose communications contain some of the worst grammar I have ever seen in quite some time, and C: The person who sent the message was named (and I am not making this up) "scheme Barnes"

Anyways here is the message, and a day old cookie to anyone who can count all of the grammatical errors.

Your info was founded at J o b S h a r k.ca portal.

First of all let me introduce. We are the large financial & assets management company. The main types of our business are:

*

securities
*

exchange services
*

trading services
*

broker intermediary

During the global crisis we have obtain a lot of customers who are waiting for jump of the basic stock quotes. Most of the newly acquired customers is in the Canada. Due to features of the legislation we cannot work directly with physical persons. To do this we need an authorized representative or official representation. As we did not expect huge interest from the Canada - the opening of representation is not included in our plans. In connection with the aforesaid, we are looking for responsible person for mediation services which will be the official representative in your region.

Please do not REPLY, this is automated mailer. Send your curriculum vitae or resume attachments up to 1mb permitted to my private email:

mayson.canada@gmail.com


Thank you and have a good day.

[Cassini90125]

As long as you've got his email you may as well send him a Google bomb.

[koosie]

My Nigerian friend
Is gone
He said that he was hiding from the government
And said that he was dying and wished to find a friend
He offered me some money if he could use my name
I told him I like bunnys
Then he went away

The Residents - My Nigerian Friend

[fosters home fan]

Originally Posted by koosie

My Nigerian friend
Is gone
He said that he was hiding from the government
And said that he was dying and wished to find a friend
He offered me some money if he could use my name
I told him I like bunnys
Then he went away

The Residents - My Nigerian Friend

I once got a similar scam a while ago. Long gone now.

[CrazyPhil]

Wow, those are some pretty entertaining pieces of, um, "literature" you've all found, especially the "flawless" spelling and punctuation.

AS for me, I do get scams but of a different variety. Sure, when I'm browsing the net I always get the classic "free ipod" or wii or any number of things, and for the most part I ignore them, but what really pisses me off are those fake anit-virus adds. I go to open a webpage and all of a sudden I'm taken to a separate window and some unkown program claims to have detected thousands of critical viruses in my computer. Interesting, considering I run a virus scan every week and I usually find 2 or 3 at the most. It really angers me because these things are more than likely viruses themselves masquerading as the very software that's supposed to protect against them. Oh, and if you do a word of advice: DO NOT CLICK THE PROGRAM, NOT EVEN TO CLOSE THE WINDOW. Instead, bring up your task manager (Ctrl+Alt+Del) and end the program from there. It's much safer as even closing the window can download the virus onto your computer. So, does anyone else get those?

[Cassini90125]

Yeah, I've gotten those. Dang nuisances they are. If it's detected anything at all then it was scanning my computer without authorization so even if it's a legitimate program (which it's not) I'm not going to have anything to do with it. No one scans my machine without my consent, period.